Tuesday, April 8, 2008


Addiction is strange.
It knows no rationality.
It cares not what it takes from its victims.
It promises escape.
It delivers pain.

Addiction kills.
It mutilates the soul as if it were nothing.
It has no regard for the innocent families.
It comprises judgement and warps reality.
It steels years and invites death.

Addiction is powerful.
It remains alive if only dormant.
It waits for a moment of weakness.
It pounces like a tiger on unsuspecting bodies.
It conquers and destroys all .

I remember the first time I decided to abandon my beliefs that drug were bad. I was a good kid. I didn't experiment or ever even try a drug all through high school. I may have run away from home at 14 years old with a 19 year old man of questionable morals. But drugs weren't even a consideration. I was in B.A.D (Be Against Drugs Club) in ninth grade and I whole-heartedly believed that drugs were wrong.

I remained drug-free through 2 years of college. I even stayed clean as a stripper for my first year until I met a man, Jesse, who changed my mind. This wasn't a fight I gave up easily, mind you. When I heard from a co-worker Jesse smoked pot I couldn't believe it. I freaked! When I angrily confronted him, he said he used to do it but not lately.

I tried to explain how pot was so horrible. It smelled. It would just take away ambition and then he'd be into bigger and badder drugs like heroine! He said I was crazy. He explained that it just helped him relax after a show. See, Jesse was a drummer. And an incredible one I must say. He stills does it to this day.

Looking back, maybe I was extreme. But I had never tried it. I only knew what I was taught. And I was taught pot is a "gateway" drug that leads to other drugs.
I was afraid. I was worried. This perfect man didn't seem so perfect. But I loved him. What do I do?

I dropped the issue based on his word that he wasn't a pot smoker anymore. Silly, naive me. One evening I walked into the bathroom while he was in the shower. I smelled something funny; something yucky. When I pulled back the curtain there he was smoking a joint in the tub with the shower turned on. Boy did I lose it!

We fought and fought. Finally he said the words that changed my life forever. He asked, "how can you judge something you have never even tried?" Now, I'm no rocket scientist, but I had never tried jumping out of a plane without a parachute either, but I knew not to. Well, love somehow blurs my common sense and good judgment. It still does to this day.

So, I ran out of the apartment to my car and hopped in crying. I knew where I was going. I was going to Shawn's. He was my ex-boyfriend. I left him because he admitted he smoked pot every morning at the job-site. He did construction. I was a serious "zero-tolerance bitch". I admit it.

I arrived at Shawn's and told him I wanted to try weed. He was in a state of shock. I explained that I should try it before passing judgement. I didn't want to lose Jesse over this. Shawn just laughed and got the bong. He showed me how to pack it, light it, fill the chamber with smoke and release the carb, then inhale. He failed to warn me that I was going to cough and choke like I was in a house on fire with no oxygen! Damn! I was stoned off my ass after one bong toke.

Driving home was terrifying. I was going all of twenty miles an hour but it felt like a hundred. My eye-lids felt like cement blocks weighing on my poor red eyes. I stumbled out of the car and opened the door to find Jesse watching Speed Racer on Nick at Nite. I told him about my adventure. He rolled a joint and told me a bong was the wrong choice for a virgin. Well, a first-time pot smoker was what he meant.

We got stoned together. Somehow my drug-free beliefs were no more. I became a pot smoker that would rival any hippie in the sixties!

This was only the beginning of my run with drugs.....

to be continued

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