Thursday, May 1, 2008


At first glance I knew I loved this guy. This guy's name....Dietrich. I was working at the club and he came in and sat at the end of the stage facing the dressing room. What began as a glance, soon flourished into a friendship that would pale all others and a love that will never be matched.

He and I had something in common. We were loners. I had a boyfriend at the time, Timmy. He was eighteen and troubled, but he was all mine. We had a lot of problems including violence and infidelity on his part. But I had no intention of cheating or leaving. That was just not my style.

Dietrich soon became my best friend ever. I could be 100% myself around him. I could be naked around him and I never had to worry about him pawing at me or even looking at me with lust. He protected me from everything and everyone bad.

This man came to my rescue countless times when I was in trouble. When Timmy's violent temper escalated, it was Dietrich that took matters in his own hands and kicked some ass.

I guess it was destined that after Timmy cheated for the ninth time, he'd finally leave me. And, also destined, Dietrich and I would end up as lovers. Lovers is a strong word for us really. He never stopped being my friend. And occasionally we would have sex. "Captain Cannon...." well I won't finish the last word, but this was a pet name for his, ahhhhh, asset, so to speak.

Anyway, we experimented with drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, and more drugs. He was the one who turned me on to Oxycontin's. Whew! What a ride. What a very bad ride!

We ate pain pills and Xanax like they were Skittles and M&M's. We smoked so much cocaine I don't think my lungs would have even recognized fresh oxygen. And we snorted pills, snorted blow, snorted MDMA (molly), AND snorted heroin. We snorted so much, poor Dietrich ate a whole right through his nose. That was a funny discovery. I have to tell you.

He was blowing his nose and had to clean it out. Probably had some serious pill residue stuck up there. Anyway, he put a Q-tip in and suddenly his eyes opened so wide I thought they might pop right out! He poked the Q-tip through and was like "Holy Sh*t....CHECK THIS SH*T OUT!!!!! Later he asked, how much crap does someone gotta snort to have eaten a hole through his nose? Guess what, it never healed.

Anyway,we soon managed to pawn and sell everything of value. It was the crack that inspired that great idea. We lost so much. We even sold his truck.

As bad as things were, we were in denial. Absolutely! We were living in an amazing 3 bedroom house with our two pit bulls and my fifteen cats. At least that house had enough room for a family of nineteen.

I guess I was getting bored with the same old drugs done the same old ways. So, a friend, named Liz, turned me on to the idea of the needle. Now Dietrich was so anti-needle saying the word would make him pale.

Keeping with our insane"balls to the wall" attitude, fear of needles was brief! We tried it, liked it, loved, it, hated it but kept using it, hated ourselves, and eventually stopped caring for each other.

There are a million stories Dietrich and I share. And our friendship survived through so much crap that it must be real.

Truth be told, I love that man. I'm clean today and he's clean today.

I cant' help but wonder what splendor would have risen, had we not destroyed ourselves for drugs.

I love you, Dietrich. I miss us.


Jailbird said...

He never loved you and you never loved him. The only thing both of you loved was the drugs. Sorry to tell you but that's the truth. If it was true love it would have lasted..

Jailbird said...

He never loved you and you never loved him. The only thing both of you loved was the drugs. Sorry to tell you but that's the truth. If it was true love it would have lasted..